The Slightly Whiny Bathroom Episode

Bat su start- right on hang phen. Straight through cua dong, left on ly nam de.

There- that’s how I got here, and CURSE you, autocorrect. If I missed even one, I’ll be circling the Whole Roasted Sidewalk Mammals corner for an hour, just like yesterday when I was searching for Hanoi’s only English bookstore.

Where am I? I don’t know. I passed the washing machine bike delivery guy on the way here, though, so maybe a quarter mile past that, left at the chicken, straight past an entire extended family of orphans stacked like jenga children on the motorcycle? Sounds about right.

I would actually be perfectly content in my closet- my room was $30 a night and is serviceable but does not include such luxuries as a phone, a window, or a toilet that can flush paper- but I try to leave for a couple of hours each day so they can replace my complimentary water.

Throwing my toilet paper in the trash can takes some getting used to, by the way, and honestly I don’t want it to become a habit because what if I start accidentally doing that at home? I feel like it would be an insurmountable social faux pas at, say, Gritty’s, where they would probably take my mug back and smash it over my head.

Once I got to pretend I was an employee and boot out a couple of illicit lovers for doing carnal things in the stalls, and I don’t want management to take away those privileges for, you know, just willy-nilly leaving dirty Charmin as I please.

So yeah, it’s been an interesting balance between dehydrating myself into restroom independence while still hydrating adequately enough to prevent another heat exhaustion episode. And when I say “interesting” I mean “{insert gagging sound here}”.

At least I’m not in the Philippines, where there often wasn’t a seat or soap, either. Though I realized it’s just a cultural thing and that in the US, I’m spoiled rotten (or more literally, not) I would feel so much cleaner so much of the time if I could just gosh darned be male for awhile.

The good news is that Typhoon Glenda has changed her track to chase Chinese people instead of me, so perhaps I can keep electricity and continue to read on my phone.

And if not, I can always bum a bookstore ride with the jenga youth in Asia.

I’m sure- at least I think- it wouldn’t kill me.


Oh, and a PS: this nice makeup blogger found a previous post and as a result I’ve started reading her and getting inspired. I’m dirty and hippy as all get-out here, but be warned: I might become a lot prettier and start batting my eyelashes more soon. And if I do, you can disregard that I EVER WROTE THIS POST because I know it’s not classy… I know.


One thought on “The Slightly Whiny Bathroom Episode

  1. Colleen says:

    Carrie, you’re so funny! Cannot BELIEVE that someone would deliver such a large appliance on a bike!


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