The Surprising Adventures of Middle Eastern Tinder

When Diego proposed that he be the sly, witty voice of a Middle Eastern Tinder account I set up to see what dudes in this part of the world are digging (spoiler: it’s the atomic drop of enormous jungle cats using only their strapping muscles and BARE HANDS!  Correction: it’s the WWE-wrestling of mildly wild felines who were declawed specifically for the photo op… no-  Final edit: it’s the gentle giving of a noogie to highly sedated tigers.  For a Tinder profile.  The subject’s next picture will be of him aiming a gun- not so different from the Firearm Flannels of Facebook, Maine.  After that will be an extremely expensive car or motorcycle that goes very fast.  And the final one will be skydiving.  Spare me, nouveau riche Romeo.)

For the layman, Tinder is an app you can download if you are, as Amy likes to say, looking for love in all the wrong places.  It’s extremely judgmental in that you can look briefly at a person’s chosen photos, chuckle derisively at the way they spell “your a teacher? i’m bad at grammer” and then, with a dramatic swipe, just finger-flick them smack out of your virtual existence. And though I’m not at all interested in meeting anyone in real life for many reasons (Life is good!  People are good!  Stranger danger from afar seems sinister!) of course, as a student of human nature, I jumped at the chance to do some no-stakes tinding.  This was intended to be just a wee bit o’ fun.

Diego- and we have this in common- likes to play the weird card first.  Thus:

We didn’t expect these people to answer, but I suppose we also didn’t think about the fact that if a person is on this app in a country where there are more male guest workers than nationals and where a blond American just arrived in the country is likely perceived as, well… “liberal”, I suppose a little bit of standards-lowering makes sense.  I quite enjoyed all the laughing and all the suspiciously shaped deltoids, though.

Anyway, I embraced a big ole perspective shift when I had enough down time to hit the wiffy but not quite enough to go outside and talk to people. I realized I could actually start a conversation with men from all over the world (Bahrain, the Emirates, and Qatar are all overwhelmingly multinational states) about how people truly feel about Trump.  Conversational score, yo!  Stuff like


I ended up having getting quite a lot of insight from these convos (and others I forgot to screenshot because I was actually into the chatting) and it turns out there is a definite diversity of views, although the overwhelming majority fall more along the lines of “for fuck’s sake- WHY?”  But people from the east are worried about impending government decisions from Iran, Saudi, India, Pakistan, and the US.  They made it clear that volatility is a decidedly dishonorable quality.

The foreign folk are also understandably worried that the US voting public is increasingly ignorant of the rest of the world’s global interdependence while those countries are for now- and maybe only for now- still depending on markets and goodwill of our once-solid nation. Neither trade, trust, nor truth can be found in Trump, they think.

Aw, Tinder… in this I tend to agree.

I’m ending abruptly because I have to go board a plane now.  But cheers and Thanksgiving, everyone!


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